so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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