I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The adults are the big ones right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
