Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
