Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
