Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
