you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
