He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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