Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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