the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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