Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
