dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
