recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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