i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
