She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
