Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
