I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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