this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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