nut hugger
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
