he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Randomize
