If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
