Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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