Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
