One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
