I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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