I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
