Someone shit on the floor
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
