drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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