I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
