Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
