we made out on top of his cat.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
