Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
