i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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