I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
