She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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