I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
