So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
