i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
