yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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