The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
