Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
