So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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