He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
