Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
