on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
