Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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