I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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