I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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