Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My feet surprised me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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