can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize