it was like his penis was on wheels.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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