Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
