I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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