Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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