How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
