I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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