yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
