New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
