Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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