There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
