That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
