idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
