fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
