You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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