I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
