Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
