the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
