is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
