a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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