my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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