I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
