butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
high people should be assigned attendants
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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