Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
