Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
