just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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