Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
