Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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